Introduction to Magic
by wingcat
Summary: A humorous introduction to magic, Dumbledore shows a muggleborn that magic is real as he tries to convince her to enroll in Hogwarts, while thoroughly unnerving her at the same time. A Dumbledore Fiction, with a Crazy!Dumbledore. oneshot


**Introduction to Magic**

A humorous introduction to magic, Dumbledor shows a muggleborn that magic is real as he tries to convince her to enroll in Hogwarts, while thoroughly unnerving her at the same time. A Dumbledor Fiction, with a crazy Dumbledor, who slowly calms down near the end of the story. One Shot.

It is a bit confusing, because it is entirely dialog, but it helps if you know that everyother line is Dumbledor. This is a Humor fiction, and if it is not funny to you, please do not complain too much.

Disclaimer: Dumbledor and Hogwarts belong to JK Rowling. A few quotes are from a movie, The Princess Bride, which I applied to this story, though they are not exact quotations.

Wingcat

Mwahahaha! Hahahaha! Hahahahahahahahahahahahah! Haha! Hahahah! Ha!

Who's there?

Me!

Who are you?

APWBD!

APW..What?

Albus Percival Wulfrick Brian Dumbledore!

That is a Very Long name. Who is that?

That? (looking behind him) What? Where? I don't see anybody there!

That meaning that Albus Percival Wul...person.

That's Me!

Oh, well come inside then, I don't want the neighbors to gossip. That woman at number four...

Very well, we mustn't allow the neighbors to see any magic!

What magic! It isn't real!

Hoho! That's where you're wrong m'girl, you see magic is as real as the nose on my face.

I see the nose on your face plain and clear, it is almost as long as your name; but that doesn't mean...

Yes it does and is!

Is what?

Is as long of course! Where was I?

Australia.

Ah yes, thank you. Australia. And Australia is entirely peopled with Australians, as everyone knows.

Actually there are many immigrants living there. Would you like some tea?

I'd love some tea. Do you have any lemon juice?

Uh. Er not really, or at least not much. Out of curiosity why do you ask?

Why don't you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it?

What! Really?

No I am just joking at my own expense. You see I like my tea with honey and lemon juice.

Okay, wait here while I'll get you some.

Lemons are amazing!

Here is your tea, please continue what you were saying.

I love the taste of lemons, they are pleasantly sour, but I love artificial lemon flavor better.

No! About your skewed perception of the world that allows you to believe in magic at your age!

Even though I need glasses, my perception of the world is not skewed!

So you admit it does not exist?

I know it exists. And I can prove it. (He takes his wand out of the back pocket of his jeans)

What is that? Your magic wand?

Yes, actually, I have had it for the last fifty-six years, since my defeat of the Dark Wizard Grindlewald.

Wizards are your name for magic users?

Yes, for male magic users anyway, females are witches.

You still have not proved magic is really real.

Well that is why I am telling you this.

What have I got to do with the questionable reality of magic?

You are a witch.

I am not!

You are too a witch, and I wish to invite you to attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Am not!

Are too! I'm the Headmaster of the best school for magic in Britain, and I say so.

Am not!

Are too!

Am not!

Are too!

Am not!

Are too!

Am not!

Are too!

Am not!

Are too!

Am not!

Are too!

I'm not! You are!

What? You are changing the subject!

So you admit that so are a witch?

No way! I have been a wizard for the past hundred fifty years and am not about to change my gender!

How old are you exactly?

If I was a truely was a witch, that question would be a very rude and insulting one. I will not tell you.

Please? I'm so curious, and you already said you were over a hundred fifty years old.

If I tell you will you admit that you are a witch?

Well, it wouldn't do any harm, or anything, and my brother already calls me one, so, I'll admit it.

Good! Very well, hherm, I am EXACTLY...

Hurry up already! I did admit I was a witch for you!

One hundred sixty one years, seven months, three days, four hours, two minutes,fifteen seconds, old.

Wow! That is so amazing! I am talking to the oldest man in the world!

One hundred sixty one years, seven months, three days, four hours, two minutes, thirty seconds.

You can stop now. Do you remember WW1?

Yes, but I am not the oldest man in the world. I believe that my friend Nicolas Flamel is the oldest.

How old is he?

Six hundred sixty seven years, eleven months, and two weeks. I do not know what time he was born.

Cool! How did he live so long? I mean, before today, I thought the oldest man was only 116!

That, my dear, is a secret you will learn at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. It is Alchemy.

You mean Alchemy is magic?

It is a branch of magic, yes. There are others, including Potions, Transfiguration, and Charms.

Do they teach them at Hogwarts? Not that I believe you of course, but if it was real... I was just...

Yes, those are all subjects at Hogwarts, and there is also Divination, Ancient Runes, and a few others.

Mr. um, Dumbledoor, um Sir, how did you decide that I was a um, a Witch?

Call me Headmaster Dumbledor, and you have magic, of course!

But how did you know! What made you think I have magic, I'm just an ordinary girl, I've never...

Oh? So you've never done anything strange, that has no plausible explaination, besides, magic?

No!

Oh really?

Well...

Well?

Well, maybe you're right, but really, I don't see why I should go to your school, even if it exists.

You need to be trained, or your magic will go out of control.

But, the "magic" cannot do anything without me telling it to.

Now, that is true, but in the future, well you at least need to focus your magic.

You actually have not convinced me of the existance of magic yet.

We shall have to remedy that now. **Wingardium Leviosa**

That is not proof, you could have strings holding the tea cup in the air!

Will you believe me if I turned the sofa into a dog? I used to be the Transfiguration Professor.

Yes, I would believe you, if you did that, but IF you can, make sure you turn it back. I need the sofa.

Well then, here is your first lesson in magic. Most spells require an incantation, and a wand movement.

What about the magic, you said I was doing?

That is what is known as Accidental Magic, and usually tires the person casting it. This does not.

Wait! You are actually going to do it?

Yes, here it goes. (He waves his wand in a circular movement, and points it at the Sofa.)

What is the incantation?

**canis iubeo commutare**

Magic IS real! I can't believe it! You actually changed it into a dog! Change it back!

If you wish, though if I do say so myself, it is a fine dog.

Yes! I would like the sofa back!

Couldn't you just keep the dog? I'll make you another sofa!

No! I want to see it changed back. I have a cat, who hates dogs, I couldn't keep it even if I wanted to.

Alright then. **abi et diffingo**

The sofa has fur!

Sorry, it has been a long time since I changed something back, I usually just vanish it or replace it.

It actually matches the room better this way, I like it! It will prove to the rest of the family that its true.

What is true?

That magic is real and I'm going to Hogwarts!

You are? Alright then you'd better have your letter. Lemon Drop?

No thank you, Headmaster.

Here is your letter. I wonder why no one ever wants a Lemon Drop?

Maybe it is because you offer them so frequently.

Oh? Maybe that's why. I'd best be off then.

Thank you for coming, I know that I would have dismissed such a letter as a joke, if you had not come.

Goodbye then, I hope to see you at the begining of term at Hogwarts.

I will! If everyone in the wizarding world is so eccentric, I don't think I would like it there much.

No. Only I am this eccentric, but I am Headmaster after all, and teachers have to be serious usually.

Hopefully. Hm. Proffessor M. McGonagall seems more serious.

She is. As Deputy Headmistress, she has to be.

If this is really real, I think I could get to like Hogwarts.

Magic is real, and anything can be, really if you put your mind to it.


End file.
